Marriage As I Know It

I never realized how difficult the whole "marriage" thing would actually be. I guess it's human nature to think that all of the bad stuff will never happen to you. Sure I heard all the stats before pledging my vows; but still I stood up there like some bumbling idiot thinking, "not us, this is forever." I was also very aware of the fact that both sets of parents have been divorced, but somehow I thought saying "I do" would ensure never ending happiness in our life together... Don't get me wrong, we are both very happy together, it's just not the whole happily ever after I had envisioned. Right after we returned home from our honeymoon, the "honeymoon" seemed to be over. We fought about everything big and small and I caught myself contemplating separation only a couple of months after the big day. I was so embarrassed. At least our parents had made it years together before deciding to call it quits. After yet another life altering confrontation, my husband and I finally decided it was time to sit down and try the communication thing everyone suggests. We soon realized that even though I had planned every moment and every word that would come out of my husbands mouth since the age of five, I hadn't considered the fact that he may have thoughts and feelings of his very own. On my husbands part he realized that I'm not some fifties housewife constantly armed with a dishcloth and a smile on my face and that I too am entitled to my own thoughts and feelings. Although things aren't all smooth sailing, looking at each other as individuals is definitely key and knowing that we wake up everyday fighting the same fight is almost comforting. Before we were married we had to go through a few counseling sessions with the minister who would be marrying us. One thing in particular that stands out in my mind happened during our one on one session. I really admired our minister, she was so down-to-earth and blunt. She had also been divorced and re-married and so when she spoke it was that much easier for me to take what she said as concrete advice. We had just finished planning the final details of our ceremony but before saying our goodbye's she took us aside and explained that what she was about to tell us was the one thing she wanted us to take into our marriage. She leaned in a little, our eyes were probably bulging by this point, and she said to me first "Samantha, Do not expect him to change." Next to my fiance, at the time, she whispered "Bill, do not expect her to ever stop changing." I felt at that moment as though I was let in to the married couples club. I stood ten feet tall, I now knew the secret. She went on to explain that too often women get married with the thought that they can change their husband once they have them under lock and key and that this only causes resentment. Men on the other hand expect their young brides to stay the exact same person and just be content as a wife, which ends with the same result. I guess what I've learned thus far is that even though we're married it doesn't turn us into each other and it never will, nor does it ensure "forever." I just hope that with enough hard work and love we'll make it there anyway.