The Scars Inside (Emotional Abuse)

Physical Abuse, is undeniable. It is the one type of abuse that you are absolutely certain of. Emotional abuse on the other hand, can be hard to detect right away. When you love someone, it may be near impossible to accuse them of being emotionally abusive. Emotional abuse can and will leave you feeling worthless, at fault, depressed and alone. If you are currently in a relationship that makes you feel bad about yourself, emotional abuse is present. The effects can be crippling. You may feel that you aren't smart enough, strong enough, or worth enough for things to change. This of course is incredibly untrue and I bet you have people in your corner to back that statement up. It is time to stop accepting this behavior. It is time to realize your own self worth. If you are feeling emotionally unsafe, you are emotionally abused. The person you choose to be with doesn't make you who you are, you are your own person. Do not take the blame for your partners actions, often a person in this type of relationship will blame themselves and think things like, "Well maybe if I... things would get better" This of course is untrue. I spent so much time stuck in this mind set, thinking if only I were exactly what he wanted then maybe he would love me the way I need to be loved. I realized after attempting to be his perfect match, that it isn't my problem. Only you can change the way things are, because the only person that you can fix is yourself. I encourage you now, to follow these steps and get back on your own two feet again.

Step One: Determining your boundaries

Sit down by yourself and think about all of the aspects of your relationship that make you unhappy. What is unacceptable to you? How have you changed as a person since entering this relationship? What are you not willing to tolerate any longer? Do not second guess yourself, if it feels wrong, it probably is.

Step Two: Finding a support group

Hopefully, you already have your own wonderful support group consisting of supportive friends and family. If you don't, even finding a support group online can prove beneficial. Just having someone to talk to about what you're feeling, someone who is on your side is extremely therapeutic. Stay away from people who invalidate anything you are going through.

Step Three: The talk

Now, it's time to approach your partner. Do not back down from what you know to be true, do not allow him/her to talk you out of it. You deserve to be in a loving and supportive relationship, with someone who accepts you for the real you. The time has come to put this into action within your relationship, or on your own. As scary as it all may seem right now, you need to be willing to pull out if your partner is unable to meet your needs and work on an abuse free relationship. Seek counseling on your own or with your partner to assist in repairing whatever damage has been caused to you and your relationship.

Step Four: Pick up where you left off

Often, in these types of relationships we tend to lose ourselves. We belong completely to our relationships and forget about the things that we used to enjoy doing. So pick up wherever it is you left off. Call up an old friend, enroll in a course of interest, paint, sing, dance, write, or whatever else you lost along the way. When you take control of your own life, you will realize your self worth. Take care of yourself, don't rely on anyone else to do it for you. Take back your power.

Step Five: Making a future plan

Even if your partner decides to stick it out and work on themselves and your relationship, do not fall back into the rut. Continue to be independent and take all necessary steps to ensure your own happiness. Realize that even though they say that they want to change, it may not be what's really going to happen. Stay true to yourself and do not tolerate this pattern anymore. If you come to the realization that this relationship is no longer what you're looking for, do not be afraid to move forward and get out. You are in control of your future. Let go of your past and be the person you want to be. Good luck on your journey. Thanks so much for reading.